Finding Balance
by EdgeofDarkness
Summary: Everything has a balance. Harry Potter finds this out when he screws it up by killing Voldie. Now he has to set it right by becoming the next dark lord. He runs away from it. Severus acompanies him.Over a long journey,Harry realizes he can't run from Fate
1. Note To Readers

Yes yes, I know, its not the first chapter, is it? Sorry!

I need to get this out though, okay!

If anyone has any information on native American traditions, beliefs, shamanism, or anything really (names too), that would rock.

Now, I have no idea how long this is gonna be, but its my new big project on here, so its gonna be long, I'll say.

Well, I suppose that's it…read on!


	2. Victory, and The Indian Man

**Title: Finding Balance**

**Summary: When Voldemort is defeated by Harry, the world is thrown out of Balance. Now Harry has to bring the Balance back. He travels, not wanting to face his destiny. He learns all kinds of new magic, and even falls in love with the most unexpected person. Eventually he returns to London to set things to rights.**

**Warnings: EVENTAUL SLASH!!!!!!! YAY!! AU!!! Slightly Dark!Harry. Eventual Dark Lord Harry!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter…I just dress up like JK Rowling every Wednesday night and prance around and pretend I do. **

_**Unnamed Muse: She really does. It's terrifying. I'm seeing 7 shrinks because of it.**_

**Me: Nu-uh! Only 5 for that! The other 2 are for you not having a name!**

_**Unnamed Muse: WHY DON'T YOU NAME ME DAMMIT!!!!!**_

_~*~Prologue~*~_

Dumbledore and Voldemort faced each other. The old man smiled sadly at his ex-student. He blamed himself for Tom's decisions.

Voldemort smirked at the older wizard before him. "You cannot kill me. The Potter boy has to." He hissed.

Dumbledore nodded. "I know Tom, I know. And he will." The twinkle was gone from the normally merry blue eyes. They now resembled sapphires; hard and cold.

Dumbledore then left, and Tom chuckled darkly. "Destroy me? Yes, Harry Potter will destroy me. But there must always be a Dark Lord, as there must always be a Light Lord. And Harry Potter…well, we'll see about him, won't we my darling?" Voldemort hissed to Nagini. She hissed back.

~*~*~*~

Chapter One: Victory, and The Half Hopi, Half Sioux Indian man.

Harry looked at the body before him, and nodded. Voldemort was dead. Dumbledore was still alive…but most of the Order was dead. Or at least, he guessed them to be, since it was almost unnaturally still in the Manor.

Harry turned cold emerald eyes on the group of 'light' wizards that approached him. It was his friends. Ron, Hermione, Remus, Tonks. They always made it through. Always. Because they stayed at the back. Letting him fight, letting others die.

"Well, I see you lot made it through." He spat. They paid his tone no mind though. They never did.

"Did you really kill him?" Hermione squeaked, unable to look at the body. Harry sneered; he was just as old as her seventeen years, and he could look upon the dead bodies. At least Voldemort wasn't terribly bloodied, unlike some.

"Yes, you chit." Harry spat. "Why else would I be standing around his manor? Tea?" He asked sarcastically.

"You don't have to be mean to her Harry!" Ron said angrily. He wrapped his arms tighter around his fiancé. The witch trembled.

Harry shook his head. "You're both bloody children. Go back to Hogwarts. A battle field is no place for kids." Harry said. Ron's face turned an alarming shade of red. He hated being called a kid. But that's what he was.

"He's right. Go." Remus said, holding Tonks up. She was pale, and her leg looked like it was bent the wrong way. Ron scowled and Hermione looked hurt, but they Apparated away. Harry was almost happy to see them go.

"I…I want to be alone now Moony." Harry said softly. Remus nodded, and he and Tonks were gone as well.

Harry looked over the body of the former Dark Lord. A movement in the rubble caught Harry's attention. He saw a silvery green snake head appear, and then Nagini slithered toward him. Harry tensed.

She stopped before him and hissed, _"You killed my master. Now the world is out of Balance."_

"_What do you mean 'out of balance'?"_ Harry hissed back.

Nagini rose up until her eyes were level with Harry's.

"_In order for our world to function correctly, there must be two powers. As there is Light and Dark Magic living in and around us, so to must there be a Lord for each side. My master and Dumbledore held the magical world at a Balance. They fought, because that is what the dark and the light must do; they must fight to see which is more powerful for an amount of time. The Light has ruled recently, now soon it will be time for the Dark to rule. Like night and day, each must rule equally. But without a Dark Lord, that will not happen. And the world will be thrown into chaos."_ She hissed at Harry, swaying slightly.

"_And what has any of that got to do with me?"_ He asked.

"_Every being, whether human or creature, magical or not, has light and darkness in them. They have to. Even my master did. If you have too much light in you, you will never accomplish anything, because any action stopping or hindering anyone would seem to you, dark. And neither can anyone have entirely blackness in their soul. If so, then they would never be able to live, for every being must have light in it for life. Most have more light than dark, or more dark than light. But some, the most powerful, have an equal balance of light and dark. You have that inner balance." _Nagini hissed. Harry was still unsure what all this meant for him.

He shook his head. _"I'm not equal. The light in me outshines the dark." _He said, almost defiantly.

The giant snake shook her head. _"Not so. See how you killed my master? And then you turned away your friends. But you are good Harry Potter. You are Balanced. And, you shall become the next Dark Lord. The world needs to be balanced, as you are. Now, I shall take my leave of you. Good luck Harry Potter."_ And then she slithered away, and he didn't turn to watch her go.

He was thinking about her words. They made sense, he had to admit that. And he had to admit that he had been thinking about how much he had changed. He was darker, more cynical, but still the happy Gryffindor at times. Maybe the old snake was right, he was Balanced.

Harry shook his head. He looked back down at the body of the most terrible wizard on earth. Tom had managed, a few months before the Battle, to recreate his former body. He was a regal looking man, appearing to be in his late forties. His eyes were still open, but the red was dulled, and they were glassy, staring at the darkening sky.

Harry crouched down on his heels and lifted a hand to close Tom's eyes. It didn't seem right to him, to let such a worthy opponent lay with his eyes open. A hole was in the roof above them, and Harry could see that night was drawing close, and that it was likely going to rain.

Nagini's voice came back to his mind, and he shivered. Then he shook his head. He would not be any one's pawn any longer, and he was sure as hell not going to be Dumbledore's 'boy' another second.

He Apparated near Grimuald Place, and went inside. He managed to bypass the celebrating and mourning Order members.

He went to the Library, which now that Sirius was dead could only be opened by him, since he held the Black Family Ring.

Harry was more than mildly shocked to see another figure in the room.

It took him only a second to recognize Severus Snape. The dour man had a glass of scotch in his hand and was starring out one of the magic windows in the room.

"Congratulations are in order, I suppose." He said sarcastically.

Harry blinked once, and then stepped forward, locking them both in the Library until he wanted out.

"How did you get in here?" Harry asked. Severus held up his hand in way of answering, not turning from the window. On it was a wring like Harry's, only with an 'S' in silver rather than a 'B' in obsidian.

"The wards let me in because my family and the Black family were very close. Before the war." Severus said, downing the rest of his scotch.

Harry scowled and then started to take down the books he wanted. He was going away, far away. He wanted to study the different kinds of magic around the world. SO he took down books he thought would be helpful, or interesting, or at the very least looked it.

"What are you doing?" Severus asked, watching as Harry packed everything into a trunk.

"Leaving. I'm not going to be Dumbledore's puppy anymore, and I am sick of the damn _Prophet_. Why do you care?" Harry snapped back, placing _History of Magic, in all its Forms_ in his trunk.

"Just curios. Where would you go then?" Severus asked. Harry looked up and blinked.

He hadn't thought of that yet.

He walked over to the far wall of the Library, which was covered in maps. Once was recent, because he had placed it in there himself. It was a normal, non-magical map.

He pointed his finger to America.

"There." He said, then un-tacked the map and rolled it up, placing it in his trunk as well.

"America? Why there?" Severus asked, making a face.

"Because. I want to track down a Shaman. A Native American one at that. Then after that…who knows?" Harry said, smiling slightly as he thought of his adventures to come.

That smile crashed and burned when Severus asked: "Can I come with you?"

Harry Potter, Savior of the Wizarding World, and Heir to two of the oldest Wizarding Families, gaped.

"W-why?" He sputtered.

Severus shrugged. "Life here is dull. Besides, I am soon to be a very wanted man. And I have lots of connections in other areas of the world. Besides, you still can't brew a decent Pepper-Up Potion." He said, smirking a little.

Harry closed his mouth, and then opened it. "Fine. But don't act like my better, call me Harry, treat me civilly, and don't you dare report back to Dumbledore, because I'll kill you for it." He said.

Severus nodded. "Agreed." He said, and started helping Harry pack the trunk with valuable books.

When they finished, Severus shrunk the trunk, and spelled it to be light. He put it in his pocket.

"Well, now I suppose we need our personal items, don't we?" He said. Harry shook his head.

He grabbed a backpack from behind one of the leather sofas and slung it onto his back. "I was planning on this for weeks." He said.

Severus nodded, and then he and Harry agreed to Apparate to Severus's house.

A mere twenty minutes later, and they were ready to go.

"How are we going to get there, exactly? Or had you not thought of that?" Severus asked Harry as they stood outside of Severus's flat.

"No, I have that covered. Hope you know how to ride." Harry said, and then pulled out a silver whistle from his pocket. He blew, but Severus heard no sound.

"Ride what?" He asked, but got his answer when a beautiful hippogriff landed in front of them.

"Buckbeak!" Harry exclaimed. He patted the animal and then motioned Severus forward.

"I'm sure there are more sensible ways across Potter." Severus said, not moving.

"Harry. Call me Harry. And no. Buckbeak is fast and strong. Come on. Its okay honey, he's a good guy." The last sentence was murmured to Buckbeak as Severus warily approached.

After a lot of sweet talk and helping from Harry, Severus and Harry were astride the hippogriff. Buckbeak took off and Severus grabbed hold of the slender waist in front of him. Harry laughed at the exhilaration, and hung on tightly to the beast's neck.

He rather liked the feel of the strong arms around his waist…but he pushed that thought away.

Soon, then were over open water. Harry's mind went back to the fight, and his old friends. Soon his eyes were closing against his will, and he nodded off.

He awoke sometime later. They were nearing a shore, and it was just as dark as it had been.

Buckbeak was fine, and Harry tried to sit up from his hunched position, but found he couldn't. Severus was slumped forward as well, arms still firmly around Harry's waist. Severus's head was nestled in the crook of Harry's neck, and his breath tickled.

Harry felt all warm and tingly inside, without knowing why. He shifted a little more, and Severus jolted upright.

"We're almost there." Harry said, not mentioning the awkward position.

Roughly forty minutes after Harry said something, Buckbeak was flying over land.

"Land in the forest." Harry said, pointing to a forest of pines.

The beast landed, and let its passengers off.

"Go now. You're free." Harry said. Buckbeak nibbled his shirt collar, but then took off at a running start and was gone.

"Why did you let him go?" Severus asked as they started down a trial.

"Because he…he deserved to be set free. Just as much as you an me." Harry said. Severus nodded thoughtfully.

Soon enough they came upon a log cabin. Harry went up to it, and Severus followed him silently and slightly warily.

Harry knocked on the door, and soon enough an old man came and answered it. Behind him trotted a huge wolf.

"Hello. What may I do to help you? Oh, come in." Said the old man in a surprisingly deep, rich voice. His skin was nothing but wrinkles, and a russet brown. His hair, which was braided down his back, was a dark iron gray. His eyes were deep brown, nearly black, and he smiled as he let the two strangers into his house.

"Down." He said, and the wolf, for that was what it was, backed down and went to lay by a fireplace.

"My son and I have waited long for the two ravens from across the sea to join us." The man said, and both Harry and Severus looked surprised.

"My name is Howahkan it means 'of the mysterious voice' in Sioux. My father was a Sioux Indian. My mother was a Hopi woman. And this is my son, Honaw it's a Hopi name meaning 'bear'. My late wife was also Hopi." The old man said in his rich voice, gesturing to a man about Harry's age, maybe a few years older. The man had russet skin and black hair, and black eyes as well. But he was hugely muscled, and burly. He smiled as they entered the large living room.

"Um…hello. I'm Harry, and this is Severus. How did you know where we were from?" Harry asked, sitting on the sofa that the man gestured to. Severus sat next to him, as it was eth only seat available.

"I have known for sometime about you, Harry. Severus I just learned of recently. I am…well, a shaman, I suppose. I am also a historian. I know the entire history of every Indian tribe there ever was in the US. I also know much about you both." Howahkan said, sitting in a chair across from Severus and Harry. His son had yet to say anything.

"What do you know about us?" Severus asked, his eyes slitting as he glared at the old man. It was the first he had spoken since they had been let into the house.

"I know much, as I said. I know that you, Severus Snape, have made many mistakes in your life, and that you are trying to redeem them by helping Harry. I also know that You, Harry James Potter, carry greatness in you. You spoke to the old snake, and she told you that you have to become that which you have defeated. It is the way of the world, my friend. Everything must be kept in Balance." The old Indian said.

Harry sighed. "You know about Nagini then? And that I'm supposed to be the next Dark Lord? I don't want to though. I want to be no one but Harry James Potter. I want no titles. I want to make my own destiny, not follow that which others have already laid out for me." He said, leaning back into the couch and crossing his arms.

Honaw spoke for the first time, his voice surprisingly soft for such a large man. "We all, at birth, are set upon a path we must tread. It has many branches, and sometimes we can go astray, but we always are set back on the Path, and always end at the point we are meant to."

His father nodded. "My son speaks with wisdom beyond his years."

Severus shook his head. "What is this balance you're talking about? Balance what?" He asked.

Harry sighed and said, "After I defeated Voldemort, Nagini told me that I have to fix the Balance of Power. Apparently lately the Light has been the main power; so now it's the dark's turn. And I'm supposed to become the next Dark Lord. That's what the snake said."

Severus arched one black brow. "You? A Dark Lord? Well, I suppose it does make sense. You defeated Voldemort." Harry was mildly surprised that Severus could say his name without flinching.

"The Balance is just that; a Balance between Light and Dark. Only one, who is internally Balanced, such as you Harry, can bring the Balance back. Every being must have both Light and Dark in them to survive. Without one, nothing can exist. DO you understand now, Severus?" Howahkan asked. Severus nodded.

"And now, I believe you wanted to ask me something, Harry." The shaman turned to the wizard, and Harry had to think.

Then he nodded. "Yeah. I was wondering if you could teach me the lore and theory of your type of magic." He said.

Howahkan smiled and said, "Of course. By why not the practical as well?"

Harry flushed a little and looked down briefly then up, before answering the old Indian. "Because. I've learned one kind; I don't think I can learn anymore." He said.

Howahkan laughed a rich, deep laugh that filled the room. "Magic is will Harry. If you have the will to learn it, you can. Magic also has many forms. So you have learned one; who is to say you cannot learn them all?" He asked.

Harry nodded happily. "So you'll teach me?" He asked.

Howahkan nodded. "Yes I will. But not tonight. We will start tomorrow. Follow me." He said, and got up. He led them to a hallway, but paused. The large wolf stood behind Severus and Harry. When Howahkan looked back at him, the beast whined.

"I am terribly sorry. I forgot to introduce my *totem; Tohopka. It is Hopi for 'wild beast'. He is a wolf. I'll teach you about totems tomorrow. For now, sleep. I hope you don't mind sharing a room. We only have one extra." He gestured toward the door on the left.

"It's fine." Harry said, and after a moment Severus nodded. They entered eth room and put down their things. There was one small bed, a chair, and a small table. There was also a window. Harry set his stuff down and looked around. He found a leaf on the floor, no doubt from when the window was open, and transfigured it into another bed. He dropped his bag next to the bed he made, and then lay down on it.

"Good night Severus." Harry said, and covered himself with his cloak. Severus lay down in his own bed, and stared at the ceiling.

"Harry?" He asked tentatively, the name strange on his tongue.

"Yes Severus?" Harry replied.

"Why do you want to study different types of magic?" He asked.

Harry was silent and Severus thought he had upset him, but the answer came, softly, into the dark room. "I want to be strong. I want to be able to depend only on myself. Besides, I saved eth magical world, I hardly know anything about it. Is that all?" Harry asked.

"Yes." Severus said.

"Good night." Harry murmured again.

"Good night." Severus answered, but only after the teen had started to softly snore.

**There you go the first installment. If anyone knows any helpful sites where I can find Native American History, magical history for ANYWHERE, or anything else, I would greatly appreciate it!! OH, and I have absolutely no idea how long this sucker's gonna be…lengthy though! ANYWAY, please REVIEW!**

*Totem: an animal/spirit guide. Could take many forms.

Wolf Totem: Loyalty, perseverance, success, intuition, and spirit

**~*~Blessed Be~*~**

**EdgeofDarkness**

_**PS. I would like to make it clear that I only practice Wicca, which will be coming up…so the other information may be a little sketchy at best, since I'm going off of what I find Online.**_


	3. Swimming, and Learning about Totems

**Title: Finding Balance**

**Summary: When Voldemort is defeated by Harry, the world is thrown out of Balance. Now Harry has to bring the Balance back. He travels, not wanting to face his destiny. He learns all kinds of new magic, and even falls in love with the most unexpected person. Eventually he returns to London to set things to rights.**

**Warnings: EVENTAUL SLASH!!!!!!! YAY!! AU!!! Slightly Dark!Harry. Eventual Dark Lord Harry!**

**Disclaimer: Did Harry snog Draco/Severus/Lucius/Cedric senseless whenever they appeared in the series? No…therefore I clearly cannot own them!!**

_**Unnamed Muse: Oh Goddess! Someone stop her before she starts ranting about Harry Potter and those others snogging! She can go on for days! And you don't EVEN want to know all the things swimming around in this head of hers. You people are LUCKY I'm here to filter for you!**_

**Me: Awe, you like all the mental images, don't lie.**

_**Unnamed Muse: …I refuse to justify that accusation with a comment.**_

**Me: You just did…**

Chapter Two: Swimming, and Learning about Totems

It was before dawn that Harry Potter woke up from a horrific nightmare. He was covered in a cold sweat, and for a moment couldn't place where he was. Then he remembered the previous day's events…or had it been night? He wasn't sure.

He took down the silencing spells he had put around himself prior to falling asleep, and stood up. He walked out of the room he shared with Severus, hoping not to wake the man.

Outside the door Harry jumped as a figure loomed out of the shadows. Tohopka, the wolf, padded to Harry's side.

"Hello Tohopka. Just a nightmare, that's all." Harry said, reaching down to stroke the massive canine's head.

A lilting voice said from behind him, "Strange, he never lets anyone but my father and I touch him. Never white men or strangers." Harry turned and recognized Honaw.

"Yeah, strange thing always happen to me." Harry murmured.

"Come, the sun is about to rise." Honaw said, and led Harry through a back door and out onto the porch. He sat with his legs crossed, and Harry sat, copying his way of sitting. Tohopka lay between them.

"Why are you up so early?" Harry asked.

Honaw turned his face to Harry and smiled. "I am always up for the sunrise. It is one of the most beautiful times of the day, rivaled only by the setting of the sun, and so few are every around to see it. So I see it everyday." He said. Harry nodded.

"That's makes sense. I haven't seen the sun rise in a while; I rather miss it." He said. They turned together, with the totem wolf between them, to watch the sun lighten the sky to gray, and then paint it in a myriad of colors as the sun finally rose into the sky.

"Day and night cannot dwell together." Honaw murmured.

"Hm?" Harry asked, unsure if he was being spoken to or not.

"Oh, just an old saying from the Duwamish People. I, like my father, study our history as a whole." Replied the young Indian man. Harry nodded and they remained silent until the sun was up and the display of colors was fading away.

"Now, breakfast time." Honaw said, and stood up. Harry's knees were stiff, so Honaw helped him up. Tohopka butted his head against Harry's side. Harry patted the large head.

He followed the large Indian man into the house again, and into the kitchen. The wolf sat nearby as Honaw began to boil some water for tea. Harry couldn't remember the last time he had had a nice cup of tea. He had been too busy in the days leading up to the attack to brew tea. Or to even get much more than a few bites of food, it seemed to him as his stomach rumbled.

Honaw laughed and started to make eggs for breakfast. He was adding spices Harry knew nothing about, and that worried part of Harry. But the other part knew that the gentile man wouldn't poison him.

"Honaw?" Harry asked as he watched the broad back.

"Hm?" Was Honaw's only reply.

"If Tohopka is your father's totem, what's yours?" Harry asked.

Honaw laughed and turned to face Harry, a steaming mug of tea in his hands. He handed it to the British wizard and said, "My totem is the deer. She stays outside, since her hooves cannot cope well will the floors. Her name is Len."

Harry nodded, and when Honaw pointed, he turned and looked out the window. He could see a delicate looking doe in the yard near the house. She was grazing on the clover, and Harry wondered if she had jumped out of a painting.

"She's beautiful." Harry said.

Honaw nodded and smiled. The deer wandered off. Soon, breakfast was done, and Harry was on his third cup of herbal tea. He didn't ask what was in it, because he knew nothing of the plants in America.

"There you are." Severus said as he entered the kitchen. Harry noticed he had changed into some denim jeans and a button up shirt that looked like silk but wasn't. Harry also noticed his hair was wet, meaning he had showered.

"Yeah. I had a nightmare and woke up early." He said nonchalantly as he stood up, suddenly ready for a quick shower to rid himself of dirt. Sure, he had used cleaning spells, but he still _felt_ dirty.

He asked Honaw where the shower was, and the man replied only with; "Tohopka will show you." SO Harry followed the large canine to the bathroom.

"Thank you." He said as he entered. He summoned some of his own clothes; jeans, boxers, and a plain black t-shirt. He showered quickly and looked at himself after he was dressed. His hair, now down almost to his chin, hung in wet curls all around his head. He rubbed it with a towel, which didn't do much at all. He finally shrugged and opened the bathroom door after spelling his clothes back to his room.

"Good morning Harry." Howahkan said. Harry jumped at his sudden appearance, but wished him the same.

Then he headed to the kitchen, where enticing smells and steady conversation were coming from.

He entered to see the table already laid with food, Tohopka sitting by his own full food dish, and Severus and Honaw talking over a spice rack.

Harry shook his head; he could have sworn Severus had _smiled_. He doubted it though.

"Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating." Severus murmured, looking at the different spices in the spice racks.

"I can teach you about the native plants and their uses after breakfast, while my father is teaching Harry…if you would like." Honaw said. Severus nodded hurriedly.

"That would be wonderful. Thank you." Severus said, and went to sit down at the table, a look of deep thinking on his face. Howahkan entered a moment later, and joined Severus at the table. Harry followed him, and then finally Honaw sat down.

The two Indians bowed their heads and murmured for a few minutes. Then they looked up and smiled at their guests.

"We were thanking the Sun and the Earth for the food." Honaw said. Harry nodded, and then after their hosts started eating, Severus and Harry followed suit.

~*~

After breakfast, Honaw led Severus away and Howahkan, Tohopka, and Harry went outside.

"Now, I will teach you about Totems." Howahkan said. They were sitting next to a large stream.

"Totems are the animal form of our Spirit Guides. They are assigned to us at birth, and are always with us in their true, spirit form. No one else can tell you what your totem might be. And you may not always meet it in its physical form. My mother never met her totem, but always knew it was near her." The wise old man said.

"Ho do I find mine?" Harry asked.

"You have to meditate on it. The Totem will come to you, and sometimes manifest near you, and stay in physical form if you wish it. Tohopka has been with me since I was very small. Would you like to meditate? Finding your Totem gives you much more information than telling you about it would." Howahkan said.

Harry nodded, and said, "Yes! That would be excellent."

"Good. Stay sitting as you are, and close your eyes." Harry did as he was bid. "Breath in deeply, then out deeply. Clear your mind. After a time you should see a clear mental image of your Totem animal. When you do, open you eyes, and you will see that your animal is there near you. Now, breathe with me until you get the rhythm." Harry again did as he was told.

For a long time he sat stone still, and cleared his mind while breathing deeply and calmly.

After a while, a picture started forming in his head. A large clearing, as if in a forest.

He saw a large brown owl, a cat by its side. He saw also a red-ish brown wolf sitting opposite the owl. Next to the wolf sat a sleek looking lynx. Next to them sat a lioness and a tiger, lying together. A small spider and a small panther lay with them. Next to them sat a raven. On the other side of eth wolf and lynx sat a regal looking dragon with a jaguar leaning on it. IN front of them sat two small snakes, each emerald green with black markings. They were tiny though, tiny as the spider. IN front of them stood a large stag, its coat dark and its antlers held proudly. Coiled into its antlers was a black cobra.

The cat across the field was more on the Stag's side than the Owl's. It looked unsure. Everything started to fade but the Stag and the Cobra.

"_A time will come, when the Owl calls upon the stag and its friends, but the Stag will not answer. The Cat will be the spy. The Cobra, the Wolf, the Lynx, the Lion, the Tiger, the Dragon, the Jaguar, and the Raven shall all fight on the Stag's side. The Stag and eth Cobra shall birth the Snakes, and the Lion and the Tiger shall birth the Jaguar and the Spider. They shall prevail over the Owl, but only after sacrifices are made." _Said a voice _in_ Harry's head, clear as day. Except the voice was emotionless, toneless, and he couldn't tell if it was a male or female speaking.

The Stag became clearer and clearer, as did the Cobra in its antlers. Harry opened his eyes and before him stood the Stag. The Cobra was gone though.

"_Hello Harry. I am your Spirit Guide. You call my Prongs." _ Said a masculine voice in Harry's head. He looked at the dark creature before him, and realized it was his Patronus.

He threw his arms around the beast's neck and buried his face in the think fur.

"A stag. It means masculine power of regeneration, and is seen to many as lord of the forest. It is also known for being common in spiritual signs." Howahkan said. Harry pulled away from the lovely deer, and looked at the Indian.

Tohopka was sitting beside his master, and both seemed to be smiling.

Harry smiled back. He was just so…happy. Severus and Honaw suddenly appeared, Severus with a black Cobra coiling up his arm. They looked surprised to find the stag there as well.

"Severus's Totem just appeared to him, father!" Honaw said, not even out of breath from the run. Severus nodded his own breath just a little labored.

"Its just…slithered up to me and starting talking to me." The normally stoic man said.

Howahkan nodded and his eyes seemed to glow with their own fire. "Ah. It is I have seen. The Cobra and the Stag are linked by their souls." He said in his wise, mystifying voice.

"Huh?" Was Harry's intelligent response.

"What do you mean?" Severus asked at the same time.

"I mean…well they are linked. How else can I put it? You shall discover more on your own, my friends. Such is the way of life." Howahkan said. He glanced at his watch and smiled. "And I am about to be late for a meeting. I must leave. I shall see you tonight, good-bye young friends and my son. Come Tohopka." He said, and the two left rather quickly.

"A meeting? With who?" Harry asked Honaw.

"A meeting with a museum curator. He has some artifacts from the tribes, and my father is going to tell him some of their history. Now…it is rather a warm day, would you two like to accompany me in a swim?" He asked. Harry nodded happily, and Severus just followed along.

They walked along the stream to a large pond. It was clear all the way down to the bottom, and you could see several small fish in it. Harry even saw a large turtle before it swam away.

"This is where the stream starts. It's a leak from an underground spring, but its cool water, not warm." Honaw said. He stripped off his shirt quickly, and his old blue jeans. He was wearing green boxers only as he waded into the water. "Come in!" He called, and dived under.

Harry looked back at his Totem, Prongs, who nodded his head. Honaw's doe was near Prongs, and the two seemed to get along well. The doe wandered around, but prongs lie down in a patch of clover and fell asleep. Severus was standing by a willow tree, the cobra on his shoulder.

Harry went up to him. "Come on Severus. Come into the water. She'll be fine here, and besides, snakes can swim." Harry said, not sure how he knew the cobra was female.

Severus debated for a minute, but then sighed and started undoing the buttons on his shirt. Watching Severus begin to undress gave Harry a weird feeling in his lower stomach…so he turned around, ripped off his own shirt and jeans, and dived into the water in nothing but his sapphire blue boxers.

When he surfaced in the middle of the pond, Honaw was floating on his back, and Severus was wading into the water. Harry had never seen the man naked, or mostly naked.

He wasn't surprised by the pale flesh, or even the light trail of hair that disappeared into Severus's boxers. But he _was_ surprised by the muscular build the man was sporting.

He wasn't as big as Honaw, or even close, but he was as well muscled as Harry was, if not a little more. His body looked lean and hard…and Harry felt his stomach tighten. He shook his head and wondered if he was getting sick.

Severus suddenly dived into the water, and reappeared next to Harry.

The snake had stayed on eth shore, Harry saw.

"See? Its refreshing, isn't it Severus?" Harry asked, grinning.

Severus shrugged his shoulders while keeping afloat. "Yes, I suppose you were right, Harry." He said. Harry's grin only widened, and then Honaw floated over to join them.

"Want to play a game?" The large man asked. Harry nodded eagerly. Severus didn't comment.

"How about tag?" Harry asked suddenly.

"Tag?" Honaw asked, unsure of what the small pale young man was talking about.

"You know, tag. Where someone is 'it', and they chase after the others. If they tag someone, then that person becomes 'it'. Okay?" Harry asked.

Honaw nodded. "Who will be 'it' then?" He asked. Harry thought for a moment, and then an evil smile spread across his face.

"Severus is it!" He said, and tagged said wizard on the shoulder. Honaw and Harry swam away, and Severus went after Harry for making him be 'it'.

He caught Harry around the ankle and pulled him under.

"You're it." He said when they resurfaced. Harry grinned and then Severus was gone. Harry went after Honaw next, who was a surprisingly fast swimmer. They all played for a long time, and Harry, being the easiest to catch, almost always ended up as 'it'.

After a while they dragged themselves out of the pond, and all three lay down on the soft grass, letting the sun dry their bodies.

"Honaw, is this what it was like before America was settled?" Harry asked softly, his voice floating like a breeze over his two companions.

Honaw chuckled. "I am not that old Harry. I'm only twenty-three." He said. Harry's face reddened dramatically.

"I know you're not that old…but you study the history…sorry, stupid question." Harry said.

"There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers." Severus murmured, his voice heavy and his eyes closed. He sounded like he was quoting someone, but Harry didn't ask because Honaw answered immediately after.

"Yes, I suppose it was. But then again, the tribes' people had to deal with predators, and finding food, hunting and fighting other tribes…making sure their children lived through the winter…" Honaw's voice drifted off as Harry's eyes drifted shut, and Harry fell asleep, listening to the lilting voice of the Indian.

He awoke in a field of golden grass. Prongs was no where around him, and he was alone. Or he thought he was. He turned to his left and saw Voldemort…as Tom Riddle.

"You can't fight the Balance, Harry." Tom's serpentine voice whispered in his ear.

"I can try." Harry murmured defiantly.

"You'll fail, and the world will crumble into perpetual chaos, and it'll be entirely your fault." Tom whispered again.

"Harry…Harry! HARRY!" Harry jolted upright, to Severus shaking him and calling his name.

"Oh….I must have fallen asleep…sorry." He murmured, rubbing his green eyes a little.

"It's not a problem Harry." Honaw said, smiling down at them.

Harry noticed it was getting dark. "How long was I out?" He asked as he stood up and started putting his clothes back on.

"No longer than Severus or I." Honaw said, chuckling. "The sun does that to people." He added. Harry nodded as he finished dressing. Prongs came up to him and nuzzled his shoulder.

He noticed that Severus's totem was on his shoulder, and he cocked his head thinking about something.

"Hey Severus, is it okay if I try and talk to your totem? She's a snake and I'm a Parsletongue." Harry asked. Severus was silent for a moment.

"I suppose it couldn't harm anything to try." He murmured, and before he knew it Harry was already standing in front of him.

He hissed something, and Severus's pulse raced.

"_Hello. I'm Harry. Who are you?"___Harry asked softly as the cobra eyes him.

She hissed something back, but Harry couldn't understand it. "I can't…I can't understand her." He said, shocked.

"It isn't a surprise, Harry. Though you may be able to speak to snakes, you must remember, she only takes the _form_ of a snake. You can no more converse with her than I can with Tohopka." Honaw said, and comfortingly patted Harry's shoulder.

"Oh. Weird though, I'm used to talking to snakes." He said. Honaw just smiled and Severus didn't comment.

"What's her name?" Harry asked Severus.

"Oriana." Severus answered, stroking the smooth black head.

"It's pretty." Harry said, smiling. Severus nodded. They started walking back.

When they came to the cabin, Honaw's father was still gone. Harry hugged Prongs goodnight, and went into the house. Severus said he would be in later; he and Honaw were going to look at the plants that only came alive during the night.

**A/N so….how was it? Did you like it? Okay…I'll explain some things now…**

**Totem Animals: Meaning**

**Owl:** Deception, clairvoyance, insight, messenger

**Cat:** Guardianship, detachment, sensuality, mystery, magic, and independence

**Lion(ess):** Family, strength, energy, courage, guardian and protector

**Tiger:** Strength, valor, power, and energy

**Jaguar:** Chaos, shape-shifter, aggressiveness, power

**Dragon:** Longevity, richness, prosperity, infinity, wisdom, power, and fiery

**Lynx:** Keeper of secrets, guardian, listener, and guide

**Wolf:** Loyalty, perseverance, success, intuition, and spirit

***Spider:** Balance, wisdom, creativity, communication

***Panther**: Protection, hidden emotions, introspection, caution, careful decisions

**Raven:** Introspection, courage, self-knowledge, magic

***Snakes (small ones):** Impulsive, shrewdness, rebirth, transformation, initiation, and wisdom

**Stag:** Lord of the forest, masculine power of regeneration, signs.

**Cobra:** Swift and decisive

**Doe:** Compassion, peace, intellectual, gentle, caring, kind, subtlety, gracefulness, femininity, gentleness, innocence, and seller of adventure

***Have yet to be born, meaning they will come along. That's why they are so small. And I'll give a virtual cookie to anyone who can guess which totems go to whom. LOL!**


	4. Conversations in the Night

**Title: Finding Balance**

**Summary: When Voldemort is defeated by Harry, the world is thrown out of Balance. Now Harry has to bring the Balance back. He travels, not wanting to face his destiny. He learns all kinds of new magic, and even falls in love with the most unexpected person. Eventually he returns to London to set things to rights.**

**Warnings: SLASH!!!!!!! YAY!! AU!!! Slightly Dark!Harry. Eventual Dark Lord Harry! And…eventual MPREG!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter…oh, but if I did…*rubs hands together and starts to cackle***

**Unnamed Muse: *Sighs* Great. Just great. Her medication wore off, **_**again**_**. Well, she doesn't own anything here…Hm…maybe she'll get lost if she runs too far away this time? Hm…**

Chapter Three: Conversations in the Night

Severus walked with Honaw a little ways from the cabin. It was dark out already, twilight having long passed them by.

"They are used to heal very deep wounds that bleed heavily." He said. Severus nodded, looking at the plant.

It was dark green with purple veins. He took a few leaves and placed them into a spelled jar that would keep them fresh.

"May I ask you a personal question?" Honaw asked suddenly as he stood.

Severus hesitated, but answered slowly, "You may. But I can choose not to answer it."

Honaw nodded. "Of course." He said, and then looked away.

"What are you to Harry?" The Indian asked softly, still studying the forest floor with great intensity.

Severus was taken aback. What was that supposed to mean? "What do you mean?" He asked. Oriana squeezed his arm in a show of comfort and affection.

"I mean…well, you two arrived together, your totem appeared when his did, and you seem very close. If you weren't, surely you would have argued about sharing a room with only one bed." Honaw murmured, still not looking at Severus.

The Englishman sighed. "I used to be his teacher. I am now his traveling companion. I suppose the boy thinks we are friends, although I am not sure yet. And…we transfigured a leaf into another bed, so we don't share one. I don't understand the totems thing anymore than you." Severus said.

Honaw looked up, finally. "So you and he…you're not…er…anything more?" Severus could almost swear he saw the youth's cheeks tinted redder than normal.

"If you are asking if Harry and I are in a romantic relationship, then the answer is no." Severus said, and Honaw's eyes looked happy. "I am not even sure if he likes men in that way. As far as I know he doesn't." Severus added, and the youth's eyes looked away, pain flashing through them.

"I see." He said, and suddenly Len the deer was there, letting the big man lean on her.

"I've never asked him though, and we were never good friends back in Britain. He might, he might not. I suppose you'll just have to ask him." He said. Honaw nodded.

They headed back, and Severus went inside while Honaw stayed out with Len.

Severus entered the room he shared with Harry, and was surprised to find Harry still up and awake. And with a sketch pad in his hands, no less.

"I never thought you liked to draw." Severus said, leaning against the door frame. He smirked when Harry jumped.

"I do. Actually, the reason I did so poorly on most of your essays was because I doodled most of the time I was supposed to be writing." Harry said, grinning. Severus rolled his eyes and strolled into the room. He sat on his bed, and looked over at the sketchpad.

"Are you any good?" Severus asked, then bent to untie his boots.

Harry shrugged. "Hermione always said so, but I don't think I am." He said, but handed over the book anyways.

"It is the curse of the artist to never think highly of their own work." He said.

"It sounded like you were quoting someone again, who?" Harry asked out of pure curiosity.

"Just an old…lover of mine. He liked to paint." Severus murmured.

Harry sat stone still for a moment. Severus had dated a man…at least _one_ man. Harry himself was bisexual, so he had no problem with it, but he couldn't ever see his snarky ex-professor writhing under some other man.

_Or maybe he likes to top._ His traitorous brain whispered. His mind was assaulted with images that he quickly shut out.

"This is quite good." Severus murmured, and then flipped through the rest of the sketch book. They were pictures of people, mostly. Harry's friends, his god-father and the werewolf, that insane Ravenclaw, Lovegood. There were even pictures of the Great Hall. The Gryffindor table, the Slytherin Table, the Head Table. He was more than a little surprised to see himself there.

"Thank you." Harry said shyly as he was handed back his sketch book.

"With a little teaching, you could become very, very good." Severus said.

Harry was about to reply when a knock sounded on the door frame. He looked up to Honaw standing there.

"Harry…can I talk to you?" He asked. Harry nodded and put his ketch book and pencils away. He followed the Indian man outside.

They stood in uneasy silence for a few moments.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Harry asked after he couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"Yes. I…I like you." Honaw said, looking at Harry strangely.

"I like you too. You've been kind to us." Harry said, smiling.

"No…I mean I _like_ you, Harry." Honaw said, putting extra emphasis on the word.

"Oh. _Oh._" Harry said, his eyes widening.

"I…I understand if you don't feel the same…" Honaw said, looking away.

He looked back when Harry laughed. "Honaw, I barely know you." He said. He saw the hurt flash through those dark eyes and added, "But I'll try, if you want. I mean, if you were getting at me dating you, then yeah." He smiled again.

Honaw smiled back. "Thank you, I'm glad." He said. "I was scared you didn't…like guys like that." He admitted.

"I do, but I like girls too. Bisexual. My old friend Ron said I was greedy." Harry said, and laughed. Honaw laughed with him.

They were silent again, but it was more comfortable. Honaw shifted, and put his arm around Harry, drawing him close to his warmth.

Harry inhaled, and the sent of unknown herbs assailed him. It smelled surprisingly good. "You smell good." He murmured.

"And you're falling asleep." Honaw said, and chuckled when Harry's protest was stopped by a yawn.

"There you two are." Howahkan's deep voice said from behind the pair. They turned to see him and his totem standing there. Honaw didn't let go of Harry, so Harry assumed his father knew of his liking men.

"I was just about to take Harry back to his room." Honaw said in his lilting voice.

"I see. Well, I wish the both of you a good night." He said, and then he was gone, and Tohopka as well.

Honaw kept his arm around Harry's shoulders as they walked to Harry's room. Harry liked how tall the other was, and how warm. _Maybe it will work_. He thought sleepily.

"If you're up early enough, will you watch the sunrise with me?" Honaw asked the smaller, paler young man before he let him go for the night.

"Yeah." Harry answered, smiling. Honaw hugged him, and Harry returned the hug before opening the door to his and Severus's room, and going in. He closed it as his…boyfriend? Lover? Well, as Honaw disappeared.

Severus had changed into a pair of black boxers…and was wearing nothing else. He was reading a thick book with the light still on.

"I take he asked and you said yes?" Severus asked as he flipped a page.

"You knew?" Harry blurted. Severus nodded. Harry just laughed and stripped of his shirt and pants, putting on soft fleece pajama pants.

"So…you're bisexual, I'm guessing? I mean, you said you had a male lover…" Harry asked, sitting down on his own bed.

Severus visibly stiffened. "And why the hell should I answer that question?" He asked slowly.

Harry shrugged, smiling. "Because you know I'm bi. Well, at least you do now. It's only fair." Harry said.

Severus growled and said, "Fine. No, I am not bisexual."

It took a moment for the actual meaning of those words to sink into Harry. Not…bisexual? But he had said he had a male lover in the past…

"You're gay?!?!" Harry blurted, completely shocked.

"Yes, you twit, I am. Now that you've pried into my personal life, I would like to get some sleep." He snapped, and turned the light off. Harry was left in darkness, and could hear Severus shifting around.

He lay down, so preoccupied with learning that _Severus Snape_ of all people was _gay_, that he forgot to cast the silencing charms around himself.

~*~

Several hours later, Severus awoke to screaming. Screaming and someone pounding on the heavy wood door to their room.

He wandlessly opened the door, and moved to Harry's bed at the same time. Honaw rushed in, terrified.

"What's wrong with him?" He asked, watching his boyfriend writhe in the sheets.

"He's having a nightmare. Wake him while I get something to calm him." Severus ordered, and in a flash Honaw was on the bed, shaking Harry awake.

Harry's eyes snapped open, and he stopped screaming abruptly. He looked up into Honaw's relieved face, and flung himself at the larger youth.

He was crying shamelessly. Honaw held him tightly, and rocked them both back and forth, muttering calming nonsense words into Harry's ear.

"Give him this." Severus murmured, handing Honaw a small vial of Calming Drought. Honaw did, and Harry gradually calmed down.

Severus went back to his own bed, feeling like he was disturbing a private moment between the two.

"Harry…are you all right now?" Honaw asked softly, rubbing soothing circles on Harry's back.

"Y-yeah." Harry answered, hiccupping a little.

"Want to talk about it?" Honaw asked.

Harry shook his head. "No." He murmured. Honaw nodded and held him close.

It slowly dawned on Harry that all the older boy was wearing was a pair of red cotton pants. He didn't pull away though, because Honaw's words comforted him, and his warmth calmed him, made him feel wanted.

"Do you want me to go so you can sleep?" Honaw asked. Harry shook his head sharply.

"No, please stay." He begged. Honaw nodded and, never letting Harry go, laid them both down. He wasn't sure if he meant to or not, but he arranged them so that his back was to Severus, shielding Harry from the man's sight.

Severus stared for a moment at the pair, wondering why he felt…jealousy?...or something, burning in his gut. He mentally shrugged and sighed, and cast silencing charms around himself, so he wouldn't hear whatever happened over there. And so they wouldn't hear him, if he needed them not to.

Honaw breathed deeply, loving how Harry smelled. He smelled like rain, and like himself. And that made Honaw very happy indeed.

"I'm sorry I woke you up." Harry murmured sleepily against Honaw's bare chest.

"Its fine, Harry. I am glad I could comfort you." He said honestly.

Harry hummed as a reply, and Honaw had the distinct feeling he was nearly asleep.

He looked down at Harry before he himself dozed off, and smiled at the sight.

Harry's skin was pale compared to his own, and it made a nice contrast. His black, chin-length hair curled slightly and framed his face. One word repeated in Honaw's head, and he said it out loud, "Beautiful."

He drifted to sleep then, smiling peacefully as he held his raven from across the sea.

**A/N Sorry it's shorter then the others….and kinda pointless. I just…don't feel much like writing today. Sorry. Well, please review.**

**-Me**


	5. Meeting the Edlers, and Rain

**Title: Finding Balance**

**Summary: When Voldemort is defeated by Harry, the world is thrown out of Balance. Now Harry has to bring the Balance back. He travels, not wanting to face his destiny. He learns all kinds of new magic, and even falls in love with the most unexpected person. Eventually he returns to London to set things to rights.**

**Warnings: SLASH!!!!!!! YAY!! AU!!! Slightly Dark!Harry. Eventual Dark Lord Harry!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. But I really, **_**really**_** want to.**

Chapter Four: Meeting with the Elders, and Rain

Harry rubbed his eyes and sat up. Honaw was still sleep net to him, though the russet arms had left his own paler body.

He had fallen asleep in Honaw's arms, yeah, and the nightmares hadn't returned, but strange dreams with ravens and owls and his totem had swirled in his mind all night long, and he was still tired.

It was after the sunrise, and Harry looked over to notice that Severus was gone.

Harry didn't want to get up, and really couldn't since he would have to climb over his boyfriend to do so.

So instead he grabbed for his sketchpad and opened it to a blank page. He took out a pencil and began to sketch the sleeping young man next to him.

By the time Harry was finished, the real Honaw was awake and watching him.

Harry showed him the sketch pad that held a very lifelike picture, and Honaw's only reply was to hug him.

"Morning." He murmured against the red-toned skin.

"We missed the sunrise." Honaw said, his own voice a low murmur. Harry nodded.

They sat silently for a moment, Harry's head against Honaw's shoulder and Honaw's face buried in Harry's hair.

The clearing of a throat made them separate, and they looked up to find Severus and his totem there.

"Harry, Howakhan wants us to meet some…associates of his. Now." Severus said, his voice toneless and his face carefully blank. Harry nodded and the two on the bed stood up.

"I'll see you soon." Honaw murmured, and he left. Severus stayed a moment longer, before he too left, silently. Harry sighed and got dressed.

He looked out the window to see Prongs, and smiled at his Totem.

He padded out of the room, bare feet barely making any noise against the floor, and went to the kitchen where a low murmur of voices could be heard.

Harry slipped inside, and stood next to Severus.

There were seven strange men in the kitchen, all at the table. They were all old and red-skinned and they were _all_ starring at Harry and Severus.

"Mukki." An old man with misty eyes and an iron grey braid past his waist said in a deep, rumbling voice. He pointed to Harry, who looked as confused as he felt.

He turned to Howahkan. "Um…what did he say?" He asked tentatively.

"He called you a child." Another old man said. He was tall and lean and his voice was scratchy.

Harry's cheeks reddened. "I'm not a child." He growled lowly. The old men all laughed.

"He meant you were young." The tall man said.

Harry shrugged. "I'm young, yes. It just means I have longer to live." He murmured. Severus raised an eyebrow but Harry didn't see it.

"Harry, Severus, these are my friends. They are historians and shamans, like myself. And they were most interested to meet with you two." Howahkan said. The two nodded.

"We have heard you are starting your quest here, little raven." The tall, lean man said. Harry nodded.

"Where do you travel from here?" Another old man asked. He had no hair at all and his eyes were hidden in deep wrinkles.

"I'm not sure." Harry said honestly. The old men started to murmur in strange tongues and Harry was terribly confused. He looked at Severus for guidance, but Severus looked bored.

"Howahkan has told us that you summoned your totem on the first attempt, little raven." Another man said. This one had white hair and a dry voice.

"Yes. His name is Prongs, he's a stag. I also somehow summoned Severus's totem as well." Harry said. Severus nodded in confirmation.

"From here you must learn many things, little raven, so you can place the world back in Balance." Yet another stranger said. He looked exactly like the previous one, and Harry wondered if they were twins.

"It's not my place to put the damn world back in Balance! Dammit, I am _not_ going to succeed Voldemort as a Dark Lord! It's _not_ my fucking destiny!" Harry said, suddenly angry that these strangers would tell him what he was to do with his life.

"To Balance the world, you must first Balance yourself, little raven." Seven voices whispered as he ran out of the house.

Prongs was there instantly, nuzzling him in the shoulder. Harry clung to his totem's neck, and let the stag lead him to a calm clearing. Harry lay against the animal, and glared at the sunny sky.

"Who the fuck are they anyway? Why does everyone think _I_ have to be the one to fix their goddamned world! I _had_ to fucking kill Voldemort, and now I _have_ to fix this stupid 'Balance' which no one has even _really_ explained to me other than that damnable snake Nagini!" Harry was shouting by the end, and Prongs snorted into his hair.

"It's as much your world as ours, Harry." Honaw's soft, lilting voice to his right. Harry turned to look, and Honaw stood there, Len behind him, nibbling the grass.

"Yeah? Well why the hell can't anyone else step up, be an adult, and fix the goddamned problem? Why the hell does it always have to be me?" Harry growled. He wasn't angry and Honaw, and he really didn't want to take his anger out him, but he had to let it out _somehow_.

"The Gods chose you, Harry. They probably picked you form the very start of Creation." Honaw murmured. Harry glowered at the darkening sky.

"Yeah? Well why not give me a break? My life has been hell so far; why can't I live the rest in peace? I lost everything Honaw, everything. I had to live with abusive relatives, and by the time I got to Hogwarts, I was so royally fucked up that the first person I talk to is my friend for life, no matter how much of a jealous bastard said person really is! Then, I meet my godfather, the _one_ living person who might really love me, might really understand my pain, and he fucking _dies, because of me_. No one loved me! No one! They all wanted to be with "Harry Potter" or the "Boy-who-fucking-wouldn't-die"! They didn't care about _me!_ And then we had that fucking war! And he…and he…" Harry was sobbing now, great, loud sobs that racked his frame.

The sky opened up and started pouring rain.

"You see Harry? The Gods cry with you! For you!" Honaw shouted over a clap of thunder.

"Gods? What Gods? What 'Gods' would do this to a boy? What Gods would strip a boy of eleven years old of any hope of a normal life?!" Harry shouted into the downpour, clothes and hair sticking to his frame. He started pacing, and Prongs got up to pace with him.

"We must all sacrifice things in life to better our world Harry!" Honaw shouted.

Harry whirled on him, tears and rain drops blurring his vision.

"What have you had to sacrifice? What has your father had to sacrifice? What has anyone back in Britain had to sacrifice? Nothing!! _I_ sacrificed everything so a maniacal fucker wouldn't take over the world and kill everyone he didn't immediately like! And I didn't even get a choice in the damn thing! No one asked me if I wanted to fight! No one asked if I wanted to _kill_ him! NO one asked me anything! Everyone told me!" Harry shouted. Lightning flared and thunder crashed in the sky.

Honaw approached Harry's still sobbing form. He encircled the boy in his strong arms, and pull Harry to his chest.

Harry fought to get away, and succeeded in getting out of his boyfriend's hold. He then took off into the forest, Prongs racing after him.

"Len!" Honaw shouted, and the doe took off after the stag and the boy. Honaw ran to his home.

Severus and the elders were in deep discussion of were Harry and Severus should go after their time with Howahkan was done.

"Father! Harry's run off into the woods! He's very upset! I…I sent Len after him, and his own totem followed him. I'm worried for him; he doesn't know the forest. And the forest doesn't know him." Honaw said quickly as he barged in, soaking wet, into the room.

There was a silent pause before everyone started moving at once.

The elders, for their age, moved quickly. They sent out their own Totems; four wolves, two bears, and an elk. Then they gathered their coats and boots and flashlights, and took off, Severus in the lead.

"_He's very distressed. And he's hidden himself well. They won't be able to find him, and if they do, they won't be able to console him." _A high, hissing voice said in Severus's mind. Oriana was curled around his neck loosely.

"_We have to find him then."_ Severus thought back. Oriana didn't respond and Severus strode forward.

"_Take a left."_ Oriana said, again in his mind. Severus followed her directions until he came to a rocky outcropping. Oriana remained silent. Severus looked around and eventually spotted the antlers of Harry's totem.

He rushed to the Stag, and found the boy there as well.

Harry looked up at him pain and anger in his brilliant green eyes.

"How the hell did you get up here? I made it so no one could." Harry said angrily. His voice raised above the din of the storm, which was worsening.

"Oriana led me here." Severus said simply. He sat next to the angry, hurt youth.

"Leave." Harry growled.

Severus stayed silent, and sitting.

"Leave, damn it!" Harry shouted. Severus didn't move.

Harry put his hands on Severus's chest and gave him a firm push. "Leave. Me. Alone." He ground out, pushing the man to no avail.

Severus carefully caught Harry's hands in a gentle but firm grip. "Only after you calm down." Severus said.

Harry's nostrils flared. "I'm clam. Leave." Harry said, his voice calm. Severus could see the anger and pain in his eyes still though.

"Tell me why you're hurting so much first." Severus said, as softly as the storm would allow.

Harry stayed silent. "I…I can't." Harry murmured.

Severus thought the situation over. "I can look, if you want." Severus said softly. Harry nodded slowly, and Severus gently slipped into the boy's mind.

At first he was met with winding corridors. He recognized the halls of Grimuald Place. Elf heads were stuck on the wall on once side.

Gradually the defense let him in; and he saw a familiar, hated room at Riddle Manor.

"_You've caught me." A hissing voice said, and he could see Voldemort smiling, almost gleefully._

"_Yes." Harry ground out._

Severus stood as if watching them from the outside; he could see and hear them perfectly, but they had clue of his presence.

"_And now you'll kill me, like a good little boy, and you'll celebrate my death." Voldemort hissed, his face still gleeful._

_Harry paled, and hesitated before saying firmly, "Of course."_

"_And then what, Harry Potter? What will you do after you kill me, after your purpose is done? Yes, people will still love you for ending a war and killing a Dark Lord, but not as much. You don't have to save them after I'm gone, so they won't worship you." Voldemort hissed, grin spreading across his face at Harry's nearly palpable anger._

"_They don't worship me!" Harry growled out. Voldemort faked a depressed sigh, though the odd smile never left his face._

"_Of course they do, you silly boy. That Weasley girl—yes, I know all their names, faces, and homes—she loves you because you're a hero. Granger…she thinks you're so magnificent. And the youngest Weasley boy…he hates you. He hates you because you're everything he isn't. But that will all change when I die. The Weasley female and Granger will slowly stop loving you…The male Weasley will revel in your slow decline. All your friends will desert you, one…by…one." Voldemort said the last bit softly._

"_SHUT UP!" Harry shouted, casting a random curse at Voldemort._

_Voldemort shook his head. "And once they all leave you, alone and broken, you'll hate them. You'll hate them because you loved them all too some faint degree, and piece by piece they tore out your heart. And your hate is going to grow…until you either kill them, or yourself. And even if you kill them all, you'll hate yourself even more. But, by that time, they'll choose a new Savior, ruin his life, and send him after you. Only after his childhood has been destroyed, of course." Voldemort said happily._

"_What do you mean?" Harry asked._

"_You don't think your childhood was an accident, do you? Of all the willing, caring people to take you in, Dumbledore places you with muggles who hate magic. After the sudden, tragic death of your parents, who were betrayed by a loyal companion. And, then, the same night, the capture and arrest of your godfather; without a trial. And we mustn't forget the denied requests to move in with the Weasley family. Really, Harry. Do you think none of this was meant to happen?" Voldemort asked in mock caring._

_Harry was visibly angered again. "You're a madman!" He shouted in defiance. Defiance to what, it wasn't it exactly clear._

"_Yes, I am. And you are an orphaned wretch who never knew love until Hogwarts, where you met your ever loyal friends, who never even entered my manor to fight. And of course Dumbledore, the man you love like a grandfather. Who never paid one visit to Little Whining to make sure you were alive, let alone safe and well fed." Voldemort cooed._

_Harry screamed, a wordless, rage-fueled sound. He started firing curse after curse at Voldemort, who finally shut up and starting firing back._

_Eventually, Harry downed him with a simple jinx, and stood over him to cast the Killing Curse._

"_How many others have you killed, Harry Potter? How much blood stains your hands? It all looks the same after a while, doesn't it?" Voldemort asked. Harry cast the curse, wanting to get rid of the image of Voldemort's eyes. At the end, as he spoke his last queries, his eyes had looked completely sane._

Severus pulled back gently from Harry's mind.

"Those were lies Harry." Severus murmured. The now crying young man shook his head.

"Not all of them. And he was right, Severus! He was right about the blood! It all looks the same!" Harry cried, lunging at his old professor and burying his head in Severus's chest. Severus held him.

"He's wrong Harry. His hands were stained with blood from innocent beings that he _murdered_. You only killed evil, vile people, who had more than a fair chance to fight back at you. He was wrong about everything else too Harry. People loved you for _you_, and would have continued loving you until you died of old age." Severus said, trying to comfort the sobbing boy.

Harry looked up, after a while. The rain had lessened, though thunder still rumbled like an angry old man in the sky.

Severus would later say that he was either under the Imperious Curse or momentarily insane...but he leaned his head forward and gently brushed his lips against Harry's, once, twice, and then again, holding them in place and gently kissing the boy.

They parted when they heard people shouting Harry's name, and Severus stood, bringing Harry with him. They wandered out of Harry's hideout, and down the forest floor.

Len, an elk, and several wolves found them before the actual humans, but they weren't far behind.

Honaw ran to Harry and gathered him into his large red arms, cradling him to his chest as though he thought Harry would run away again.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. I'm so sorry." Honaw whispered against Harry's hair.

Harry was silent as the large man held him. Finally he took a deep breath and said, "No…it's not your fault, Honaw. I overreacted. I should have expected it, the final battle wasn't all that long ago, not even a few weeks. Hell, maybe not even _one_ week. It wasn't your fault." Harry murmured, his lips pressed against Honaw's clothed collar bone.

They held each other amidst the animals, elders, and the drizzling rain which was finally letting up.

Harry drew back from Honaw a little, who immediately tightened his arms around Harry's body to keep him where he was. The Indian then crushed his lips to Harry's.

Harry knew they were being watched, could fee the eyes on them as their kiss heated. But a certain pair of cold, black eyes burned a hole in his back.

"_You know, I had assumed that when people kissed, they thought, if of anything, the person they're kissing. Not someone else." _Prongs's strong masculine voice, filled with amusement, said in Harry's mind.

"_Fuck off Prongs."_ Harry thought back. His totem snorted from a little ways off, and the two finally separated.

As they walked back, Harry realized the rain had stopped.

**A/N Hey! I know, I haven't updated in too long, but hey, real life loves to play interference, and it did. A lot. Its nearly one in the fucking morning here, and I have to get up early tomorrow…but I hope you like this…the one person who reviews anyway.**

**Eh.**


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